3000 Miles To Graceland

Cast:
Kurt Russell… …Michael
Kevin Costner… …Murphy
Courteney Cox… …Cybil Waingrow
Christian Slater… …Hanson
Kevin Pollak… …Marshall Damitry
Thomas Haden Church… …Marshall Quigley
David Arquette… …Gus
Howie Long… …Jack
  • Directed by: Demian Lichtenstein
    Written by: Richard Recco and Demian Lichtenstein
    Rated R for strong violence, sexuality and language

A Long Way Off
The opening of “3000 Miles To Graceland” shows a corny computer-animation of two scorpions as they battle each other on a lonely desert highway. It’s a bit of symbolism that certainly hits the mark. After all, here is a movie about two simpletons who head up the robbery of a Vegas casino, then spend the rest of the film inflicting cruel punishment upon anyone around them as they fight to see who will end up with the loot. The filmmakers were definitely holding out a great deal of hope, as they not only expected us to become interested in the situation, but actually wanted us to cheer for one of them.Kurt Russell stars as Michael, the less-bad of the two baddies … or in other words, the hero. Kevin Costner is Murphy, the real bad guy who is the supposed brains behind the holdup. Having been recently released from prison, they waste no time in putting together a squad of thieves, none of which have their own discernible character traits. That ultimately doesn’t matter, as the eventual fight for the prize will be between Michael and Murphy. Taking the guise of Elvis impersonators, they pull off the robbery and apparently get away clean. But soon the volatile Murphy betrays his team and goes after the money himself. Meanwhile, Michael, wisely wearing a bulletproof vest at the time of the betrayal, cautiously teams up with a broke single mother (Courteney Cox) and her son in an endeavor to retrieve the money themselves.I have no idea what director Demian Lichtenstein was going after here. Perhaps a Tarantino-ish romp through B-movie land? Maybe a Guy Ritchie-like foray into quirky, clever, and innovative cinema? I suppose it doesn’t make a difference, seeing as though no element residing in this disasterous flick is handled with any noticeable skill. The action scenes are haphazardly pieced together with no regard for continuity while being undermined by an obnoxious rock soundtrack. The inanity surrounding the dialogue numbs the mind, and the actors seem tragically aware of the mess in which they find themselves.Kurt Russell is a very likable actor, and while that helps to facilitate our ability to cheer for him, it doesn’t hide the fact that there really isn’t anything noble about his character. Kevin Costner, apparently trying to strip away his nice-guy persona, does what he can playing the villain, yet his brutal actions have but only one purpose … to help the audience cheer for Russell. Beyond that, there isn’t much to his character. Sure, there’s a hint that he (gasp!) may actually be the illegitimate child of Elvis Presley. Personally, I didn’t really care, as I hold Elvis buffs with the same esteem and respect I have for “trekkies”. (Or “trekkers” I should say, lazily operating under the remote assumption that I hypothetically were to give a damn.) Rounding out the main cast is Courteney Cox, sporting a thong that is hoisted so far up her rear end as though it were attached to a pulley, ready to lift her out of the picture at any given moment.To those dying to see the movie after viewing its trailer, be warned: most all of the scenes depicted in the preview occur in the film’s first half-hour. Like many others I spoke to, I was curious to see the movie thinking if nothing else, it could be a deliriously fun, brain-on-hold kind of enjoyment. Boy, was I wrong. (Well, the brain-on-hold comment might hold some validity.) As for the remainder of the film, any potential enjoyment has been drained by filmmakers who oddly take some psuedo-erotic pleasure in the dubious art of nastiness.
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